She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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