we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
