I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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