i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
