Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
