Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
