I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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