I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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