i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
