Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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