I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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