Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
