i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
