Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
