im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
