..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He is an equal opportunity slut.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
