I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
