You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
