At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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