THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
