I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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