420 ftw
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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