you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
