Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Ladies don't puke and tell
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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