so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I love you.
Bad choice
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
