sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
This toilet bowl is my home.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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