Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
