I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
