i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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