I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
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In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
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I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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