I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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