kristin has been a bad kristin
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Randomize
