The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
