They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
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Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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