Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
