The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
