ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
