i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
