FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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