I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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