im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize