Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
