I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
