When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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