I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
