your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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