Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
