I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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