Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he was CRYING into my vagina
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
