Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
