But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
