It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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