i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize