my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
