You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
