1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You are the jesus of drinking
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
