M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
there is puke in my bra ... again
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