I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
