non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
