I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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