Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
