If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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