I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
