Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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