Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
