I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
