??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
