i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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