Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
