you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
