I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
