We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
