your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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