theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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