I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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