opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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